Do you hear that?
The loudness of silence. The pause. The moment, in between moments. The awkward pauses. Bated breath. Waiting. Anticipation. The unspoken. The full moments that explain decades of experiences recalled forth with a smell.
The silence that connects ancestors to the present. The silence to remember. The moments to be still. No other senses engaged. Concentrating. Deep breath in, pause, exhale release.
Most of us hardly sit in silence with ourselves so when we are around others we feel up space and time with chit chat. Surface level ideas. To begin to shift we need to create moments of silence and reflection by ourselves. Time to unplug, so that we can plug into our own truths.
How can we hold space for our pauses and moments we need to be quiet? We have to create them for ourselves. So we can truly be present for others.
Allow yourself to feel the power of silence. What physical and emotional feelings come up? Create space to explore and acknowledge.
What are you practicing?
The sun exalted itself through the window, making clear that the night was over. Hot, I begrudgingly walked to the window to open it slightly to feel the cool morning air. It's wild to have such intense heat inside when the actual air is crisp, cool, and comforting. It's moments like this that I embrace the duality of my existence.
Just then, my calendar alarm reminded me of my daily meditation and physical practice time. Did I have to do it today? So tired, so not in the mood. A million excuses ran through my mind. This moment was a choice. A choice to practice what needs to be done or to practice ignoring my physical needs. After grounding myself in what I knew I needed, I exhaled and rolled out my mat.
We think that if we are not practicing something positive we are not practicing anything at all. We have practiced the following ways of being:
Ignoring our bodies
Complaining
Ignoring our needs
Focusing on people and ideas that frustrate us
Wanting to change other people
Today, we can make the intentional choice of noticing what we have been practicing to ask ourselves, “are these ways of being sustainable to my life?” If the answer is no, we can choose to begin the shift to create more balance while always holding ourselves with compassion.
Make a list of the things you practice everyday. What feels spacious? What feels restrictive? It’s all about the balance that we can create from within.
How are the children?
Among the Maasai people from Kenya, in their greeting to each other, this question is asked,”How are the children?”
Through my work with YogaRoots On Location as the Director of Programming, I have diligently been working on the welfare of our children. Our children, who have been or currently involved in the juvenile justice system. Realizing that this system, like all systems, is unjust. From the disparate sentencing and simply removing young Black girls and boys from their communities for mostly petty and immature actions that are usually based around the need for survival. There are monthly patrols, sweeps of the streets where our children are subjected to “random”searches which result in their arrests. The children are not ok.
During my 13 years of teaching experience, both as a yoga instructor for ages 4-91 and later a charter school Science teacher then Dean, I witnessed how unwell our children are. By the time my students reached 8th grade, most had been passed from one grade to the next due to funding needs and therefore made up data. So many fundamental skills left behind or not sharpened. Ill prepared for the real world. Juxtaposed with the highly funded and well resourced private schools. This disparity leads to the survival moves that can land our Black and Brown children into handcuffs and lead white children to lack empathy due to lack of exposure. Lack of acknowledgement of real humanity.
Our children are not doing well AND we can shift them into a space of healing. Through my work I have the opportunity to create spaces for our children. Safe healthy spaces during our hour long sessions to discuss how they can continue to move themselves towards the light. Towards creation and healing. Utilizing the beautiful self reflective practices of raja yoga as our guide. Creating a space where all students can make the choice of engagement. Real autonomy. It is my hope that we can answer this question soon with “the children are healthy and continuing to heal!”
Have you listened to your body lately?
I delved into the bag of Trader Joe’s little dippers for a third serving. Knowing that I have eaten my healthy amount of carbs for the day. Knowing that this act will cause some uncomfortable digestive situations for tomorrow morning. This self- deprecating act I repeat in moments where other needs are not fulfilled. Feeling overwhelmed from procrastination. These chips will not suffice my real desire for completion. Next time, I will only eat one serving size.
In Raja Yoga, the 8 limbed path, we learn what a practice of moderation looks like. I know all goes well until low self- esteem kicks in. These somewhat minute situations occur and show us something is off balance in another area of our life. In these moments we make a choice to either create more suffering by doing the same thing we know our body doesn’t desire because the instant gratification feels soothing. My digestive system and skin notify me of imbalance. My rhomboids deeply embedded in my lower shoulder on my right side signal for physical movement. Do better next time.
What feedback is your body telling you and how can you shift to give it what it needs?
History and Healing
Through my work with The Soul Focused Group, a human solidarity organization, I have been gifted and earned the beautiful opportunity to share the construction of America as a Lead Facilitator. The real one. In our first stage of our workshop series we discuss a process of unveiling those ideas that have been so deeply hidden. Through this achievement, I have given the delicious opportunity to share history through our professional development sessions as a consultant with YogaRoots On Location a raja yoga school and organization. So many blessings! But it wasn’t always this way.
I fought for years, with myself, on learning history because of how it felt in my body while reading. Remembering. Stuck. Inflamed. Mad as hell! How could I read the trauma of my ancestors and not break down?! With every word, it felt like I was there with them. Exhausted. I would begin and literally have to take a nap after 15 minutes of reading. How could I change the way I was learning? How could I make this process restorative, less traumatic, while still experiencing the impact?How could I still feel it? Honoring my ancestors in my blood. Pulsating. Heart beat. Inhale. Exhale. Pause.
It was necessary for me to make a shift. First, I had to make sure I was nourished and rested. I thought about the things that I enjoy while I’m reading for my amusement. Anything that emulates a spa experience( my foot massager and shoulder massager, a mask, laying down etc), the sun, and a delicious cool sparkling water or sorrel is what I need to feel refreshed. Combining these delicious moments together I call “History and Healing”.
How do you honor your past and feel the impacts? This journey is a long one and there are still moments when I need to place the book I’m reading down and complete my six manipulations of the spine. Deep breathe in. Pause. For our ancestors. Exhale and honor the present. We have the opportunity to understand what was, so that we can create a new tomorrow.
Let's heal and create.
*The voice recording below was the first time I shared the history at a Soul Focused session
Did you remember to breathe?
Stop in this moment. Notice what you are doing? Are you reading this while on another Zoom meeting? Are you reading this while also trying to drive? Are you reading this while eating?
Stop and notice your breath. Have you been holding it? How often do you hold your breath? I’m your reminder to breathe today y’all!. Continue to deep breath in and out through your nose. Is this a normal way of breathing for you? Have you ever noticed how you breathe? Have you thanked yourself for breathing?
Where are you in space? How does your body feel today? Comfortable, stiff? Have you thanked your body for supporting you throughout the day? Take this time to send that delicious grateful love to yourself. You deserve it. How many moments like this have you given yourself in this past week? It’s through these moments of pauses and stillness we find out who we are? We listen.
What did you recently learn about yourself? Who ARE YOU?
We usually are rushing from one task to another. From running businesses to taking care of children and loved ones we don’t have much time to sit with ourselves. Let’s give ourselves this time today!
Allow yourself to find a quiet calm space for yourself. Do you have a sacred space where you’re able to be with you? How can you create this space if it doesn’t exist? What do you need to create ease and relaxation? A bath, a candle, a book, the edge of your bed, your couch..? Listen to yourself and cultivate it.
Once you have that space allow yourself 10 minutes to be here uninterrupted. Off your phone. Unavailable to anyone.
Let’s return from our quiet break… Did you allow yourself this space or did you fight this moment? Either way, thank yourself for a moment. Why don’t we feel we deserve rest sometimes? Think about the ways you’ve given yourself moments of pause in your day simply for you.
How did these moments feel in your body? How does it feel when you listen to yourself?
Deep breath into those delightful delicious moments. We move so quickly through our day we forget how much we multitask. This is our opportunity to collectively take a deep breath in. Pause. Exhale out. Continuing to breathe out at your own pace.
Deep breath in. Pause. Exhale out. What ways of being do you want to continue to breathe out of your body and space? What’s holding you back from being able to be your most beautiful selves?
In these moments of pause we allow ourselves to go deeper with us. We allow ourselves to be focused on The Who versus the what of our lives. Keep breathing. Did you forget? How often we hold our own breath. Notice where your breath is. Continue deep breathing at your own pace.
Notice how your body feels. How are you adjusting in your space of relaxation? Through these moments we allow ourselves to be with our higher selves. Continuing to breathe life and positivity into you!
Possibly if it feels good, continuing to take a deep breath. Moving with intention, possibly transitioning to some shoulder rolls or simply reaching the arms above your head thanking yourself. movement. Possibly making other small movements holding back to allow our body’s moments of pause for adjustments. How can we create more time for adjustments with ourselves? I know I have to adjust my attitude to inward when I’m focusing on negativity instead of all the delicious life we can live by simply being. A human being not doer.
How often do you move so quickly you forget what you were actually supposed to be doing? I know I do it too many times. When it happens, come back to your breath? The great life source that keeps you connected to the universe.
Thank yourself for this moment and say to me: I trust myself, I move slowly with intention like the goddess I am, I remember to breathe.
As we continue to let go of the heavy bags that we’ve been carrying of self- doubt. Today we continue to go inward and through, further into our rightful space of peace in full alignment with ourselves. Continuing to listen to yourself. The real you. Your highest self. What’s she telling you? Listen to her as she has all the answers you seek.
Remember to breathe y’all!
Gliding
How do you continue to move forward when the pain won’t go away? How do you respond when the pain is yelling at you, making its presence known? Pulsating. Throbbing. How do you continue to live each day with joy, knowing you will go to sleep in pain and wake up in pain? Tossing and turning through the night.
Due to my physical appearance, most folks do not know I’m experiencing constant pain. Even those closest to me, forget at times. This is my experience everyday and has been since I was hit by a car in 2019 two days after the New Year (three days after my 28th birthday). This intense occurrence happened to leave with me the blessing of a scraped knee and tender shoulder on the right side of my body. Initially. As the weeks progressed my neck began to throb, then my wrist.
When I was hit, I did not use the health insurance my school was paying for because I was on my way to view an apartment that I couldn’t afford. I was so desperate to move out of my friends place, I ran into the street trying to catch the bus... The way we run into ourselves, trying to run from ourselves. It’s been a journey of doctor visits, X-rays and physical therapy and still the pain persists. Lesser with each day and still present.
I’ve allowed my pain to ground me in this body. Adapting my physical practice to accommodate its needs. Rest is not an option but a necessity. My pain has liberated me from the bondage I once experienced working in a physical location that was structurally uncomfortable for me.
No more running! Slow down! I glide…
How are you gliding? How do you acknowledge the chronic pain of your experience? How are you allowing it to bring you deeper into yourself?
The in-between
A dragonfly landed on my back.
Followed me into the house. I threw my jacket off, unaware of their presence. How oblivious? Did I not feel their weight? Their expansive wings? No. My mind wasn’t in the moment.
Their body flung to the ground. No movement. No sound. Wait a flutter! I had a plan. I cut out paper and found a bowl. My plan didn't go well. My little dragonfly got stuck in between the paper and the ground. Dragged through the in-between.
An honoring service must be performed, my favorite mixing bowl for baking served as the casket. My plants the burial ground. From dirt to dirt.
Dragonflies represent our ability to overcome hardship. Connect back to ourselves when challenges occur. Reminding us to remember our strength, our courage. When we see them, their presence serves as a reminder.
New beginnings are constantly occurring, while transitions of relationships, other souls and beings are guided to another phase. We change. Another moment. Another transition. It’s through the process, the moments in-between that we can find more comfort and solace. Our frustration occurs when we hold onto the present or fixed on the goal. Rushing through our lives.
In one quick second, the present changes to the past. We are charged to continue to bring forth our jewels from the past. Reveling in the process. Grounding ourselves so that movement forward can be done so with ease, as we mourn those along the way who get stuck in the in-between.
How are you navigating in-between? How are you enjoying this moment? How are you mourning the moments you get stuck? Mourning, remembering, honoring.
Deep breath in..pause; appreciating the in-between..exhale. Repeat
We are gathered here today
To honor our ancestors. Those whose breath was taken and stolen. Thrown overboard. Discarded. Resilient and weary. We are gathered to remember, to reflect. Gratefulness. How do you demonstrate it? How do you honor your ancestors?
As I reflect on this first day of Black History Month 2022, I exhale. Deep breath in. Exhale. Continue deep breathing at your own pace. How are you exhaling in your day? Releasing. Are you remembering to breathe? Have you forgotten your breath along the way?
When I remember to breath, I remind you of yours. We hold our ancestors in our breath. The ones who desired peace and those who desired chaos. We all have them. We have to embrace both sides. Breathe for both sides.